I’ve been avoiding thinking about my application to Pharm School for awhile now. Only because when I do, I remember all the things I should’ve said in the interview, or all the times I should’ve tried harder, or all the times that I made a mistake… and all that really bugs me, so… I just don’t think about it.
Truth is: I’m kinda really afraid. Or I was.
I’m not afraid of much (ohhkay, I scream like a little girl during horror movies… and sometimes feel queasy of heights… and I’m terrified to drive because I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone else… BUT other than that, I don’t feel fear often) but I was really strung up on the whole, maybe not getting into pharmacy thing.
I’ve made my mistakes. I trusted someone when I first got to university that maybe I should not have (you’re gonna ask who but please don’t. I don’t like talking about it – and I don’t mean to put the blame on them because I guess they were figuring themselves out the same time I was but anyways). I probably wasted A LOT of time; but I learned from that. I’ve grown a lot; I’m not that person anymore. For the better I think. But I made mistakes all the same and they affected my grades in first semester. I’ve been working really hard since – I guess I just needed to fall really far down to realize a lot of things. I tried to fix my mistakes; I tried to make them better…
But that’s what I was afraid of. What if I hadn’t? What if I hadn’t tried hard enough? Maybe I should’ve tried harder? Studied harder and read more, and whatever. I guess there’s always room to improve, but these questions really bothered me. I didn’t want to believe that my mistakes couldn’t be fixed, but I was constantly hung up on the idea that maybe they were. Maybe, I couldn’t do anything to fix them?
After taking a couple of days off everything (and I mean everything), I’ve realized that our mistakes make us who we are. If I didn’t do what I did back then, then I wouldn’t be who I am now. Period. And it seems silly to realize something so obvious so late, but these things never really hit you till you think about it.
In a way I’m continuing to make “mistakes”. I should’ve applied to more places than just UofT, especially since other schools are so much easier to get into. But I grew selfish. I don’t want to leave.
Not when I have family here, and definitely not when I have friends here. I’ve been pretty happy lately – and I guess right now, I’m not ready to leave it behind.
I don’t need to beat myself up over mistakes made in the past. It defines me, but it shouldn’t define my future. If I get it, great. If I don’t – well, I go on doing what I’ve been doing for a while now: doing the best that I can.
Wow. So our blog has been kinda neglected. We’ve all be super busy with exams and school. Classes have been overwhelming these days, as they tend to be with UofT. I’m making a promise to myself to update this blog more often as the summer progresses!
During the summer, I will be working full time in a physiology research lab on a BBDC grant from the University of Toronto Faculty of Medicine. My research will be focused on cellular models of insulin resistance in the hypothalamus physiological implication for obesity and type II diabetes. In addition to that, I will be
cramming studying for my MCATs as well as working on my medical school applications. There is also a lot of work to be done during the summer for the many clubs I will be helping to run in 3rd year. Overall, it’ll be a busy summer!
But for now, exams are here. I only have 2 exams this year, but the pressure to do well on these exams are high. I have my fingers crossed and will work hard to do well! For now, I leave you with this gif:
See you soon, Tumblr!
Smother - Daughter
It will be better tomorrow.
Hey, I haven’t posted in a while (read: a year). Things have been hectic. Things have been amazing. Things have changed (all for the better).
To the many victims of bullying: Stay strong. And always remember: They were wrong.
I haven’t posted in a long time! Sorry! I’ve been in a bit of a depression lately and just moped around on the internet avoiding my holiday work.
No worries! I’m feeling much better now. It’s the last day of the year, so I figure it’s time for some New Year’s resolutions. I always make resolutions and try my hardest to keep them. I keep them on a sticky note at the edge of my screen so I can always look to it and be reminded of the goals I set myself.
It’s always best to be specific with your resolutions. If you want to lose weight, set a number. A realistic one. “Lost 10 pounds every two months” is a lot better than “Lose weight”. “I will go to the gym for 1 hour each week” is an improvement from “I will exercise more”. Being specific with your goals allow a way to quantify and will actually set a level for reaching those goals.
With that said, here are my goals for 2013!
1. See Edwin (my boyfriend) at least twice a week - and not just for the commute home. This will be the hardest one. We’re both so busy it’s hard to make time for each other, but we manage.
2. Get an A in every course - So far, I have pretty much all As but those couple of A-s are dragging down my GPA and I could really do without them.
3. Get at least a 10 in each section of the MCAT - This will be most difficult for the verbal reasoning section, but it’s definitely doable!
4. Obtain a research grant (BBDC) - My supervisor is most likely going to sponsor me for this grant since my grades are not high enough for an NSERC. I’ve got my fingers crossed!
5. Have lunch with friends at least once a week - Most times I don’t see my friends outside of class because of my lab work and extra-curriculars. But I need to make time for them! They’re important to me.
6. Keep up with weekly PSL lectures - A big mistake I made this year was putting off weekly review for one of the most material-filled courses at UofT. I suffered for it and my self confidence took a dive. This was mostly the cause of my anxiety and plummet back into depression. But I will not make that mistake again, especially since I am a physiology specialist. It’s what I love.
7. Publish a paper - My supervisor said everyone will publish a paper in the lab in 2013. I will work hard to ensure I have enough data to publish a paper.
8. Get on more regular course on board for CFAC - CFAC (Cram for a Cause) is a club I started which offers group peer-tutor sessions for mid terms of major courses. So far, I have 1 regular course on board and I am to have one more for 2nd semester.
9. Do not skip volunteer except for tests/exams - I have been volunteering at NYGH for so long that I think I’m starting to take my position for granted and missing a lot of shifts. I vow to not miss a shift unless I have a test/exam the next day! It’s really not fair to them.
10. Beat Portal - My boyfriend bought this for me during the summer and I haven’t touched it since. I don’t want him to waste his money!
And lastly, this is just a thing the Cesspoolites have: STAY AWESOME!
What are your new years resolution? I hope your 2012 was everything you expected and HAPPY 2013!
“If you only had one day to spend with the person you love, how would you spend it?”
1. Make breakfast together and eat it in bed
2. Take a road trip to the beach or somewhere that has a nice scenery
3. Have a picnic on top of a hill and watch the clouds together
4. Write letters to our future selves - Set goals and ambitious
5. Promise each other we’ll learn to love again - Maybe not soon, but eventually
6. Make a scrapbook with all of the memories we have together
7. Take one last picture together
8. Watch the sun-set together
Writing this list hurt every fibre of my soul. I can’t imagine life without the person I love - If I only had one day left with him, I probably wouldn’t do half the things on that list.
Luckily, I never have to choose. I have the rest of my life to spend it with the one I love and I am in no hurry to experience all of the things typical couples experience. As long as he’s here, it’s enough.
My new favourite thing.
I have recently (by recent I mean in May) started working at a lab - first as a work-study student doing sad volunteer-esque labour jobs for minimum wage, now as a research student with my own project.
As an inspiring MD/PhD, research is very important to me. But it’s equally as important to many other pre-medical students who want the experience for their MD applications. Now, I don’t believe in doing something “just for medical school.” The Pre-Medical Society @ UofT hosted a Meet and Greet and I informed some of the members that I was doing a research course but it does not count under Research Experience on the OMSAS application. This individual promptly asked me what then, was the point of taking a research course?
Bro, not everything I do revolves around medical school. SOMETIMES I DO THINGS BECAUSE I WANT TO. Jesus. Sometimes I don’t understand people.
Then I thought about it. For a student who have had no research experience outside of their undergraduate lab courses - which is NOTHING like actual research - it might seem kinda trivial to do research if there is no immediate benefit. A lot of them don’t know what actual research is like, or how important it is, or how it can be an amazing alternative to helping people aside from going to medical school.
This is why I decided to write this blog post. Perhaps if people knew why I love research, they would come to appreciate it too.
1. I’m a scientist. In science, there are really only 3 routes I can go: Teaching, something Medical related, or RESEARCH. Unfortunately, pretty much 99.9% of undergraduates at the University of Toronto in a life science related field only have their eyes set on the MD. In fact, this applies to life science undergraduates pretty much EVERYWHERE. I hear “Ugh, if I’m a doctor, I won’t have to write these damn lab reports.” way too often. In real research, you often don’t write lab reports. You write papers. Heck, I write a mini-lab report to my PI (principle investigator) every week with my progress.
2. It allows me to develop critical thinking and problem solving skills that will be useful not only in your future career but as well as in everyday life. Research is thinking about a problem and designing experiments that will help you come up with the solution. It’s not about following a list of things that have already been tested many many times and expecting you to reproduce the same results. It’s about finding original results and interpreting them in an intellectual manner and being able to problem solve your way through a result if it was not what you hypothesized. Did you add the wrong amount of primers? Maybe you did a conversion wrong. Being able to solve these problems is critical in being organized and successful in life. Can you imagine getting charged $200 on your credit card bill every month and not being able to realize that it’s actually $100 over? Research will help you avoid that problem!
3. Without research, we cannot move forward as a society and design new innovations that can greatly improve the life of many individuals. Can you imagine where we’d be without insulin? The technological device you’re reading this on went through millions of trials before coming to the market. Research has allowed kidneys to be “printed” via 3D printing technology. We can literally print an organ - a vital organ - in 40 minutes. Research is what allow physicians to be physicians. Doctors are no one without the researching backbone that support every medication they prescribe and every procedure they undergo. Doctors save lives - But research not only can save lives, but it helps preserve the life that is already there.
4. It’s innovative and thought provoking. It allows me to exercise my thinking power and allow me to grow as an intellectual. Research is not looking at a list of symptoms and determining what is wrong with the patient. It’s not the same thing every day. Although I do perform the same experiments and similar procedures every day, each new discovery is exciting and fresh - and one step closer to understanding ourselves and the world around us. It’s not about applying old knowledge, it’s using what we already know to discover more things and add on to our current level of knowledge.
It’s constant learning. And that’s what I love about research.
FINALLY: Don Cheadle…on a bed of rice.
My go to song for the day. My mind is in all sorts of happy places :3
Is there anything Bryan Cranston can’t do perfectly?
Geez, this look.
Hey y’all. It’s Thanksgiving. Canadian Thanksgiving. The Fam Jam and I had our Thanksgiving dinner as usually. It was super yummy :D
Since it’s Thanksgiving, I thought it might be appropriate for me to make a list of things I am thankful for. Not just today, but everyday. In no particular order, because you can’t just rank these things.
What I’m Thankful For
1. The family - Mom, dad, Melissa
2. Le boyfran - Edwin
3. Le Cesspoolites - You know who you are, sluts :P
4. Hi-chews - Yum
5. Doctor Who - Even though you make me cry every other episode
6. Good music - For giving me something to sing out loud and embarrass myself with :P
7. Google Maps - So I don’t get lost on the way to places, and get raped in an alley or something.
What are you thankful for?
Have a great Thanksgiving Canadians! Americans, you’ll just have to wait your turn.